dianne98 on Xanga

I'm watching old DBSK clips and MVs. It's making me really sad, because they've changed so much through the years. When I learned about their 13-year-contract, I'm not going to lie, but I was pretty happy because I thought that it would give me time to save up money to see them. I'm really sad that I can't do that now...or maybe ever. Honestly, I was close to a point where I can forget about them and forget about the fandom altogether. I realized that I can't. I'll always be a fan.

As a fan, I want things to be the way they were. I want them to remain in their happy golden days. I'm sad that they're not together. Listening to and watching their old mvs brings back so many memories of them. I just thought that it would never end, but it's there. I realize that I probably shouldn't consider them as part of life, but they are. They have been for the past three years. I'm waiting. Always keep the faith.

I made the decision of going to community college under false understanding of the information I was given. I could have gone to a university with basically the same cost. Do I regret my decision? Of course, but I can't do anything about it now. At least I'm able to understand that. Anyway, I learned in this experience that I shouldn't be afraid to take chances. Community college isn't for me. At the moment, it feels like it isn't the right fit. I'm looking for a challenge. Community college is giving me a false experience of what college is really like. I admit that I'm not giving it my all and I'm simply going through this as if it was high school. The worst thing in this is that I feel that it doesn't matter, because even if I am slacking, I still get above average. I just show up in class and I get okay grades...definitely not A's, but not failing either.

Writing makes me realize the stupidity in my logic. I should just try harder and prepare myself for the future ahead instead of wallowing in my wrong decision. Writing this made me think that maybe I really didn't deserve to go straight to a university. Ah, whatever. I can't change anything. I probably sound like a seventh grader here, but I'm out of it right now. I'm mad at myself.

Sorry if nothing here makes sense. Imagine being me and nothing ever makes sense.

I've been wanting to write on my journal about my babysitting gig. Ah, I have to find time. Okay, this is pointless. Oh, when I say journal, I actually mean a notebook with pages...not this xanga. Is that weird that I have a lot of places where I write events in my life? twitter, a journal, four xangas (or is it five?). If I had a facebook, that would be another one on the list. Again, this is pointless.

The world will be a much better place if we only knew how to understand each other and accept each other's differences. That's all it really takes.

How can you forget?

Some things are just meant to be ignored. One of the worst things about me is that I tend to keep things to heart even if they're not meant to be. It's a bad habit. Also, even if they were meant to hurt me, why should I let them? This short writing signifies my letting go of ugly memories.